Wonder about a bra?

I was in the bra section today at a department store and seriously felt like taking a gun to my head!

Why can this not be a simple task? Why can't I just find the bra I want in the size and color I want and walk away? Really, I'm not that picky. Granted, I'm not the type of person who spends a lot of money on a bra, but just make one easy to find. And if I can find it, I'll buy three of them just so I don't have to come back.

As I'm perusing the racks, I started thinking of a friend (I won't name her) whose son recently asked her why her boobs were pointing down. After we laughed so hard we nearly peed, I started to think about that. Do I need extra support or something now? Do I have to worry about them sagging?

And just as I started worrying about that, I noticed the tags on several bras touting their ability to reduce back rolls. Some had stay-in-place straps (yeah, right). Some vowed to have no-poke underwire. And then there were bras with a deep plunge! Huh? What the hell is a plunge and do I need to get one or do I have it already?

I am too young to cross my heart and too old to show the world cleavage. So where does that leave me? I can't see myself in the underwear section of Bloomingdales being measured for a bra!

So, I pick one out. It was beige and satiny and striped and not bad at all. Had a little padding and an underwire and it looked like it would fit nicely. I got up to the register and leaned over and, as I did, I felt that the cup of my bra might be a little to loose. Are you kidding? After all that time fretting over a bra, I'm going down a cup size?

Why couldn't I have been born a man? That way, I'd get up, put on my boxers and be done with my undergarments!!!!